When you already share a home, a family and a social calendar, do you want to share a business too? Working with your romantic partner has the potential to make or break your relationship. But how do you know which will apply to you? If you’re thinking about making a switch, or already work with your romantic partner and want to improve your working relationship, getting intentional about how to make it a success is the first step.
Kathryn Morrow is founder of The White Picket Fence Project, marriage coaching that keeps families together. Having operated 7-figure businesses and become known for sustaining her marriage through adversity, Morrow helps women who are feeling lost, unstable and insecure develop as strong, powerful people who can show up in their relationship and business and grow in every aspect of their lives. Morrow works successfully with her own husband and is trained by The Gottman Institute and qualified in therapeutic modalities such as CBT, marriage therapy, sex therapy, addiction recovery and EMDR. Her flagship program, The 6-figure Nap, teaches parent entrepreneurs how to make $100k per year while their kids are sleeping.
I asked Morrow to share her strategies for successfully working with your romantic partner, based on coaching couples through the process and doing it herself.
1. Check your jersey
“Be each other’s cheerleader,” said Morrow. “Instead of being in competition with each other, be in each other’s corner.” Show them the support and encouragement you’d like in return. This applies to work and home, and especially when you’re teaming up within the same business. “It can be so easy to get jealous of your partner’s success,” she said, but remember you’re on the same team and act accordingly. “People thrive when supported and encouraged by their partners. Use their love language to support them in the way it will be best received. A hug, a note or a special date night can each demonstrate how proud you are.”
At home, Morrow advised you, “present a united front,” believing that your stance as a couple is stronger when you don’t undermine each other. In practice this looks like, “edifying and supporting each other in front of family and friends, and especially in front of your children.” Keep the debates and disagreements behind closed doors, kiss and make up and agree a way forward together before going out there, being in the spotlight and doing your thing.
2. Define your roles
Rather than leaving what you do to what you feel like at any given moment, or whoever happens to take the lead, “clearly lay out the roles and responsibilities of each person.” Morrow says you should decide together what you will each do and what you will outsource, which avoids unmet expectations that can escalate into resentment or passive aggressiveness. “At work, assign responsibilities based on your individual skills. If your partner is better at sales and you’re better at organisation, split those roles accordingly.” Your business will see the benefit of having your unique strengths applied in tandem.
At home, she said it’s important to not make assumptions, and instead, “clearly outline household tasks including parenting, chores, yard work and pet care, and check in with each other regularly about workload.” In her household, Morrow takes on more of the childcare responsibilities and her husband looks after the garbage and vehicles. They hire a cleaner to allow them to spend more time on work and with the family. “Roles are able to be changed, but they should be spoken about so there are no assumptions, and no one feels taken for granted.”
3. Set your boundaries
When your lives and work seem intertwined, having strong boundaries marks the difference between organisation and chaos. That goes for each other, other colleagues and for work itself. Know when to say no to projects and colleagues whose demands for your time aren’t aligned with your goals. Morrow gives the example of, “no shop talk after 5pm,” if you’re in danger of discussing work ideas well into the evening, and “having clearly defined office space so you can remove yourself from daily distractions like dirty dishes and unfolded laundry.” Clear out space for work and clear out space for home, and keep them as separate as possible.
“At home, outline the end of the workday,” said Morrow, who knows that, “entrepreneurs have a tendency to work around the clock, which will ultimately cause burn out and sacrifice success.” If you plan to work a lot, make sure your partner knows your intention. If you plan to stop working at a certain time each day, communicate that time and stick to it. Integrity matters for all successful working relationships, especially when you are married.
4. Prioritize each other
When a project and your partner both need your full attention, what should you do? Morrow said you should prioritize each other, and “let your partner cut the line.” She explained, “there will be times when you’re in a meeting or about to get on a call and cannot drop everything for your partner, but otherwise, when your partner wants or needs your attention, quickly wrap up what you’re working on and give it to them.” As long as no one takes liberties, this strategy can work. “Regardless of other commitments,” she added, “recognize that you are partners and teammates first, and everything else can wait.”
Morrow takes a similar stance with home life, advising, “at home, don’t let the children take the first spot in your heart.” She said that, “having children can cause an unexpected love triangle, especially when women feel they’ve given birth to the love of their life.” Morrow teaches that, “for a healthy family unit, your marriage must come first.” See it as the foundation upon which a business and family builds.
5. Get intentional
If you were running your business solo, you’d set goals and objectives and make plans to develop the skills required to achieve them. When you’re in business together, set the goals as a team. Figure out which goals light each of you up and be aware they may be different. “My success metric is the number of testimonials our work receives each week,” said Morrow, “but my husband focuses on how many sales calls are booked each month, and how we are making our programs more accessible.” Both are indicators of a growing business, but each person decides what success means to them. Get intentional about what you will measure, and don’t require that to be the same.
At home, get intentional in a different way. “Build rituals of connection,” said Morrow, “which might include regular family dates and planned traditions for you as a couple and family.” For weekly date nights or family events, “commit to them no matter what has happened in the week.” Be intentional about connecting and celebrating life together and become stronger by doing so.
6. Evaluate your time
Showing up fully at work and at home will require careful planning of your time. It will involve careful delegation of things that don’t need to be done by you. Morrow regularly sees people get this wrong. “Business owners are short on time. Parents are short on time. You’re trying to be exceptional at both.” She advised that at work, you “promote a key player,” and look to assign an operations manager as soon as it’s justifiable. This should be someone who can, “field requests from customers and team members while you concentrate on building and scaling your business.” You probably started the business to spend more time together, don’t sabotage that by overdoing the admin or being too busy to collaborate.
At home, it’s a similar message. If you can spend money to buy back time, do so. “Order groceries online, and make use of cleaners, assistants and babysitters,” advised Morrow. They each have a cost, but it’s likely a lot less than you could make in your business with the same amount of time. Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture: a thriving business and family. If you’re running a successful business, doing a $25 per hour household job yourself may well not make economic sense. Reframe how you see spending money to clear space to work on your business or enjoy time with your family.
Check your jersey, define your roles, set your boundaries, prioritize each other, get intentional and evaluate your time. A checklist of conversations to have with your partner, to ensure you can live and work happily together. Aim to have the best of both worlds by getting on the same team and working together for the win.
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